


wait. uh. uh oh

by quantumducky



Category: Blaseball (Video Game)
Genre: Blaseball Season 14 - The Expansion Era: The -ides, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 00:26:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30114333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quantumducky/pseuds/quantumducky
Summary: The Boss is going on break. Before the Earlsiesta ends, the Monitor seeks out some advice on dealing with the fans in her absence.
Relationships: Parker MacMillan IIIII & The Hall Monitor | The Squid
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	wait. uh. uh oh

**Author's Note:**

> i think. parker and the squid should be friends. they are both doing their best and don't know what's going on. they just work here

Parker MacMillan IIIII liked to think he was pretty good at going with the flow. At not letting anything worry him too much. He didn’t let it worry him when he came into existence abruptly during the Coffee Cup, surrounded by people who brushed him off when he tried to ask what had just happened and why everyone seemed upset. And he didn’t let himself worry about the Boss’s cryptic pronouncements, or the floods, or the growing number of players he’d tweeted official statements about the deaths of, or what  _ exactly _ his job description even was as the current intern-interim defector commissioner of the ILB. Everyone seemed to agree he was doing great at it, anyway, so it didn’t really matter.

Still, though, he was a little bit thrown when he heard a knock at the door of his office- it was less impressive than it sounded, more of a glorified closet, but it had a desk inside and said “Commissioner” on the door- and answered it to find a giant squid floating outside. He stared uncertainly for a few seconds, wondering how it fit in the hallway.

“Uh… Hello?” said Parker.

**hi,** said the squid. It floated closer to the ground, and he realized it was wearing an equally huge, water-stained chef’s hat.

“Oh!” Things made much more sense now. “You must be the new Food and Beverage Director. I don’t think we’ve met in person before.”

**yeah,** it confirmed.   
**you’re the commissioner right**

He nodded. “Parker MacMillan IIIII, intern-interim defector commissioner.” He moved to shake hands, which was usually the next step of his well-rehearsed introduction, before remembering it didn’t have any of those and awkwardly shoving his own into his pocket. “Um. What can I do for you?”

**mind if i come in?**

“No, go ahead- I mean- will that… work?” He stepped back and opened the door automatically, even though the room had to be much too small for it, and it… well, it wasn’t in his office, and then, a few seconds later, it was, and that was all he felt confident in saying on the subject.

The Food and Beverage Director settled itself on, around, and under the uncomfortable plastic chair on the other side of Parker’s desk, arranging its many limbs in ways that hurt to look at in order to fit them in the small room. The top of its hat was smashed against the ceiling. Parker sat back down at the desk and tried hard not to be creeped out by the frequent brush of something cold and damp against his legs.

He kicked against the floor absentmindedly, rotating back and forth in his chair. “So… what’s up?”

**boss is gone**

Parker stopped. “…What?”

**you didn’t hear?** **  
** **went on break** **  
** **after the reading**

“But- when is she coming  _ back? _ No one told me!”

**dunno** **  
** **but listen** **  
** **until the boss gets back** **  
** **i’m supposed to deal with the fans** **  
** **they’re not very happy about** **  
** **uh** **  
** **pretty much everything** **  
** **thought you might know what to tell them**

Parker mentally flailed for an answer, but what actually came out of his mouth was, “Why would she give you that job and not me?” He knew it was a stupid thing to be jealous of- he didn’t  _ want _ to be stuck trying to placate a bunch of angry blaseball fans, demanding answers he didn’t have- but… well, he liked to think his interim commissioner title meant  _ something. _ Like maybe that he could be trusted with a higher level of responsibility than the social media intern he very faintly remembered being hired as.

**no idea** **  
** **wish i knew**

It was hard to detect tone in the echoing, telepathic voice of an eldritch squid, and yet this one managed to sound so exhausted that Parker’s petty irritation faded out into a bit of actual sympathy. “Well, uh… sorry you have to deal with all that. I might be able to help? I don’t really know any more than you,” he admitted, “but I do talk to the fans a lot. When I make announcements and all, you know, commissioner stuff.”

**that’s cool**

“You think so? I mean, yeah! I mean-” Parker cleared his throat and straightened up in his chair. “It’s just part of the job, you know?”

**sure**

It leaned forward, or at least, he guessed that was what it was doing.

**so?** **  
** **how do you do it?**

“Well…” He tried to think of an answer that wouldn’t give away how little he actually knew what he was doing. “I always try to be professional. I’m representing the league, so I can’t just say whatever I want, right? Like, anything you tell them, that’s official now. So don’t tell them anything they’re not supposed to know about, or that you don’t actually know and are making up so that they’ll think you know stuff, or… anything like that.” Things he had definitely not done himself, ever. Obviously.

“And, um, if you  _ don’t _ know stuff, they’ll usually be pretty cool about it if you tell them that. You’re not the one who actually did whatever they’re all mad about, so…” He shrugged. “Just do your best, I guess? It probably won’t be that bad. And even if it is, it’s only a temporary thing.” The interim commissioner position was also a temporary thing, and it had been a temporary thing for years now, but Parker decided not to mention that. “Does that help?”

**yeah** **  
** **feeling better now** **  
** **thanks parker**

“No problem.” He watched as it gathered its appendages, slowly and incomprehensibly, and floated out of the chair. He hesitated and then added, “Feel free to call me if you need any more help. Or tweet at me, I guess?”

**phone stopped working** **  
** **got it wet**

He winced. “Oh. Well, uh… you can just come back and talk to me, then.”

**that sounds good** **  
** **need to get back to work now** ****  
**earlsiesta’s almost over** **  
** **see you later**

“See you,” Parker echoed.

The squid left his office in the same baffling way it had come in and waved to him before pulling the door shut behind it. Parker MacMillan IIIII waved back, even though it couldn’t see him anymore by then, and returned to his computer to check the upcoming games and his Twitter mentions. Back to work.


End file.
